I never thought prom was that boring and empty and dull. My instinct's right. The promenade season's just for those who have their boyfriends and girlfriends and their lovelives. And me? I have none. So there i was, sitting on the table with my Lovelle, thinking deep thoughts of mushiness and loneliness.
I was Ms. CYL 3. I wore that stupid sash with gold glitters that messes my dress and hands. My 4-inch stilettos's killing me! But thank God i had an escort a worthy and a super-gentleman one. (without my freaking 4-inch stilettos) Before the entrance, i was complaining to death how much pain my shoes causing but there was my 'prince charming' who tapped me on the elbow and said, "Dyan ka lang, wag ka aalis." He left me and came back. He told me to sit on the bench while the parade hasn't started yet. It was such a kilig moment. But not just that! I anchored my hand on his 90-degree elbow and noticed that his right hand's holding my hand! Shit. But it doesn't end there. Ongoing the ceremony, i kept on complaining how my stilettoes kill me. But then, his gentleman-ness shone as he pulled the chair and asked me sit down. *kilig kilig*. I just can't explain how much kilig i'm feeling at that exact moment.
Dinner time. The food was awful. Most of it were viands. No pastas. No desserts. No appetizers. And no rice! Fuck. But my mom told me that prom is not all about the food, not the ambiance of the place but the date, the dance and the gown. So, okay... I tried to enjoy.
But loneliness eats me. My self-issue of still-no-lovelife-at-this-age bugs me. It even kills me. And the thought that "my crush" was holding a rose and i know it will never be given to me stabs me on the heart. Ouch ouch.
Dance time.
The dance floor was crazy and loud and wild. I told myself that i don't deserve the craziness and wildness at that time. I don't deserve to enjoy. I admit, it was a plain self-pity but it was what i felt.
Thank God, i come to realize that i should make my P1500 worth it. I should dance and get wild and crazy. So, there i was, dancing. Pretending to enjoy. Pretending not to be hurt. Wearing a smile inspite of the ouchy feet and broken heart. Such a pretentious psycho.
I pulled boys (literally)to dance with me. I FORCED them. It was only Phil (thank you very much for ... hahaha. THANK YOU! I owe you one!) who asked me to dance with him. Anyway, thanks boys.
First dance: Jericho Bustos Last dance: Daryll Diaz
I got the chance to hug them, especially Kelvin! Hahahaha. I hugged him to death like there's no tomorrow coming. I danced with him like 3-4 times? Can't remember but his smile! His smile made my night a complete one. We danced the boogy steps and the 'ikot-ikot' thingy. It was such a kilig one.
I danced with Daryll. All the while, i was thinking that dancing with him would give a period to everything, the loneliness, the thirst, the hurt. I was wrong. The period turned into an ellipsis that gives the caption "to be continued..." It sucks. I was hurt. I saw him and elly hugging each other as if stopping the oxygen to flow on their lungs. They're so sweet. Again, i was hurt. But i'm not in the position to get hurt, who am i? Just a plain girl that got hooked on to his chick-magnetic force. Poor me.
The dance wasn't that great. HE SLAPPED ME before the we danced. Even though it was a joke, it still hurt physically and emotionally. He pinched my waist and said, "tabaaaaa". And the hardest part of all, he asked me "si elly?". I walked out, stopped the dance and cherished the memories when his hands playing on my waist.
I have to be satisfied. It was him who gave me my last dance and i should be grateful to it. I should though i can't.
I didn't have the chance to dance with these two boys. These boys who had become my friends. I just have to admit, our prides are getting higher, higher than before. I just regret that i never had the chance to tell them how much i miss them and how much i miss the friendship we had. Actually, i was planning to ask them to dance with me but i told myself that it should be Daryll who is worthy for my last dance. I was wrong. They're much worthy for the last dance... I'm sorry.
PS: this thought haunts me. There's this friend who i think doesn't deserve the friendship i offer him/her. Wala lang.
I do not make sense. Shit.
reality-based Shits heard over 4:52 PM
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